Focused yet lost

Hey everyone. You might already know that this isn’t going to be a gaming-related article. This one is about myself, an update on how I’ve been and how I’ve been feeling the past few weeks.

To me, this screenshot of Uncharted 3 kind of summed up how I feel at the moment.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling a bit “lost”. Kind of like not knowing what to do and so on. Yet at the same time, I feel focused on my end goal (the first one at least). My goal as many of you know by now, is to live and work in Japan.

I know what I’m working towards and I know how to get there but at the current moment, I feel lost. It’s really weird. It’s this feeling that’s impacted my writing. Also, apologies for anyone who was looking forward to my review of Judgment, it’s still coming but it’s going to arrive later than I wanted it to.

I’ve got awesome ideas for blog content and whilst I’ve written those ideas down so I don’t forget them, I haven’t put pen to paper (or in this case, finger to keyboard). I’ve got things in the draft section that only need a little bit more work but I can’t drag myself to finish them. This feeling of being “lost” makes me feel demoralised, I haven’t been able to find the joy in writing because of it.

It’s made me less happier than I usually I am. Pretty much everyone who knows me; knows that I’m upbeat, happy and positive. Whilst I still am those things, I’m not as positive as I would like to be. What I’m trying to say is that it’s strange to not be as cheerful as usual.

I’ve been feeling like this for the past few weeks but something from a couple of days ago confirmed that I felt this way. One thing I don’t understand is where this has all come from. Maybe it’s frustration that I haven’t achieved my dream yet. Maybe it’s seeing people move so quickly in life and going places, whilst I’m getting there slowly but surely. I understand some hit the finish line sooner than others but, it feels as though things have slowed down to a crawl and maybe that’s where this feeling of being lost has come from.

I don’t usually open up like this in general, let alone on a public platform such as WordPress, so I had to kick anxiety’s ass a bit to do this. I have the tendency to keep my feelings to myself and bottle up my emotions which isn’t a good thing to do. I hope that me opening up about this gets people talking about similar experiences and how they dealt with them.


Also a small blog update:

Don’t worry I ain’t going anywhere. Once I have finally figured out how to get out of this rut I’m in, you’ll see a lot more of my content on here. I’ve got a lot planned including a brand new blog post series.

I love this small community that has been built around my blog and the blogging community as a whole. That’s the main reason why I won’t stop blogging, this awesome group of people whom I’ve interacted with because of mutual interests in games, movies, wrestling and so on. It’s these people I have to thank as well, as I don’t think I would have opened up about my feelings if it wasn’t for them.

Thanks for reading all of this. I get that it isn’t the upbeat content and attitude that you’d expect from me but if you’ve made it all the way to here, seriously, thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your day to read about the current feelings of a 24-year-old gaming, wrestling and John Wick enthusiast.

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