Hey everyone, its Brandon, aka, That Green Dude. If you only follow me on here, you might have wondered where I’ve been the past several months as the last thing I published was back in January. January 9th to be exact.
If you follow me on Twitter or are viewer of my Twitch streams, you probably already know one of the reasons as to why I just suddenly disappeared from WordPress. The past year and a half has been tough for everyone, the past few months since the start of the year, especially so for me.
The day after my last post (January 10th) I got news that my Granddad on my dad’s side of the family was in hospital which was unusual as he was as strong as an ox. Then just a few days later, he passed away. A man I looked up to immensely, a man I had incredible respect for. A man that many in my family considered to be the “tree trunk” of the family, the strongest and wisest of us all. He was no longer with us and I just didn’t know how to process it.
You’d think that was bad, just a few hours after my Granddad passed away, we found out that a member of my cousin’s family (whom we only recently connected with thanks to a family tree search) had also passed away. I felt broken, didn’t know what to think and on top of that, I didn’t know what to do.
Then days later my nan on my mum’s side goes in hospital after trouble with a blood test. Luckily she was fine. However that made my granddad (on my mum’s side) stress and worry and I could go and support him because of the pandemic.
The funeral happened in February and it was emotional. It was a lovely send off for him and I felt as that was the closure I needed. Then just as stuff was getting back to normal and as things were starting to “move” again, more stuff happened.
In April just as the wheels started to move again my nan went in hospital again and was diagnosed with COPD. When I got that news I just sat in a corner of my room and curled up. It felt as if bit by bit everything was falling apart.
My nan is doing good now but she has to have a machine to help produce more oxygen for her body. I saw her recently after over a year of not being able to visit, due to the pandemic. Whilst it was lovely seeing my nan after so long, seeing her hooked up to machine broke me.
My mental health this year has pretty much been in the shits this year, as you can imagine. I’ve talked about my mental health before on here. I felt low and lost before but 2021 just pushed me on the floor and kicked me in the dirt. For the first time in a while, I was defeated that I didn’t even know how to feel.
There’s been good days, there has been bad days. There have been great days and there’s been awful days.
Streaming has helped to keep me somewhat sane, interacting with people and talking about stuff has been good. It helps to take my mind off things and has cheered me up some days.
As for blogging, well I wanted to write about stuff a few months ago. However, when I sat down and starts to write, I started to think about my granddad and then I’d start shedding a few tears.
That feeling hasn’t gone fully yet and I don’t think it will for some time but I’ve been able to manage it lately. I don’t cry that much now when I think of my granddad. I think of the good times we had and I feel happy.
I wanted to write this back in May but life has been busy and my mental health has been all over the place. I now feel good enough to finally finish writing this up.
If you’ve made it to the end of this, thank you. Truly, I mean it. This post has just been me spouting on about what’s been happening in my life and not something super hype and amazing. So again, thank you.
Before I go, I want to say, if you are going through times mentally, then please if you can, talk about it. Talk about it to your friends, family, even people you made friends with on the internet. It is so important to talk about mental health. Don’t be afraid to talk about it, people are now more understanding of what can go on in our heads.
Thanks again everyone and stay safe.
One thought on “It’s been a while…”
Sorry to hear 2021 has been a complete bastard to you so far. Grief is an incredibly difficult process to go through and we all tackle the beast differently.
Glad you’ve found things you enjoy doing! I’m absolutely done with Twitch for my own mental health reasons, but Genniz0rz hopes you and squeaky chair keep up the good work 😁
All the best and you got this!
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