That Green Dude

Y’know what we need? Stainless Steel Underwear. I know that sounds silly. I know those three words together looks silly but hear me out and you might actually be all in on the idea. Stick with me as I list the positives and the negatives of Stainless Steel Underwear, an idea I think could be revolutionary.

That Green Dude Enterprises® is proud to introduce our next innovative product: Stainless Steel Underwear.

 

The Positives of Stainless Steel Underwear

• Can protect the valuables

Fellas, being kicked in the dick sucks. It’s painful, tear-inducing and if there is one thing every man can relate to, it is the pain of being hit in the plums. Stainless Steel Underwear can protect the crown jewels and make sure your plums don’t become bruised plums. Gentlemen protect your valuables, order your Stainless Steel Underwear today!

 

• If you er… make a mess it won’t stain because it is “stainless steel”

There are bound to be times in your life when you accidentally crap yourself (or intentionally if you’re into that sort of thing). If this happens you usually just chuck the stained briefs away, unless they are your favourite ones.

Stainless Steel Underwear are exactly what they are, “stainless”. If you make a mess, they won’t stain. Just wipe the mess away and look in amazement that there is no stain whatsoever. This also makes them easier to wash and don’t worry, none of our Stainless Steel Underwear will rust. This is a 100% guarantee. This is a marvel in underwear creation.

 

• Ooh shiny!

Shiny underwear! What more do we need to say?

 

• Bragging rights

We don’t know about you but having Stainless Steel Underwear is something to brag about. You have steel underwear! They’re shiny, they’re protective most importantly, they’re made of steel! How many people do you know that have steel underwear? None, because we are the first company to produce such an item. Order your Stainless Steel Underwear today.

 

• Guys can make a funny if a juvenile joke

Gentlemen, imagine you get into a fight and someone goes for a kick to the human marbles. It isn’t a pleasant thought, is it? This painful moment can be avoided if you wear Stainless Steel Underwear. Wear our product and the kicker will have a badly hurt foot and you can yell at them, “I HAVE BALLS OF STEEL!”.

The Negatives of Stainless Steel Underwear

• They are heavier than normal underwear

Steel is heavy and is much heavier than the cloth and fabric we are used to wearing. The Stainless Steel Underwear might way you down but you can take comfort in knowing that an important part of your body is protected.

 

• They won’t be cheap (we gotta make money y’know?)

That Green Dude Enterprises® is a business and we need to make money so we can keep the lights on. Stainless Steel Underwear will be more expensive than the normal kind. The price will be revealed shortly.

 

The price

Now we have told you all about our new upcoming product Stainless Steel Underwear, there is only one thing left, the price. We can announce that Stainless Steel Underwear will retail for the price of £15. For a limited time after the launch, you will be able to buy two for the price of £25. A bargain we must say.

 

We hope you like this new item and whilst you’re here, why not check out one of our other upcoming products, Brown Toilet Paper. Brown Toilet Paper is a hotly anticipated item by our customers and pre-orders are through the roof. We hope we achieve the same level of success with Stainless Steel Underwear.

 

Did you like this article? Let me know in the comments below what made you laugh. The “Y’know What We Need” series is a mix of both comedic and serious pieces. I hope you enjoyed this silly entry in the series and are looking forward to the next one.