Brown Toilet Paper
As I mentioned in my Y’know What We Need announcement article, I joked around with the idea of “Brown Toilet Paper”. It started off as just a one-off joke but I decided to run with it and then I started to come up with ideas on how it could be marketed.
- Idea #1: Standard Brown Toilet Paper
The first thing we could do is make standard toilet paper but coloured brown and then sell it. We could sell brown toilet paper quite easily I imagine, as it would stand out on the shelf.
- Idea #2: Camouflage Brown Toilet Paper
Hold on, bear with me here. You did read that right, camouflage toilet paper. What do I mean by camouflage toilet paper? It’s simple really, the paper has to be the same colour as poo. (I know this sounds childish but I have thousands of ideas in my head, couple that with the fact that I am an idiot and things like this come to fruition.)
If the toilet paper was poo coloured it would disguise the *cough* poo *cough* and to make it look like you not actually wiped. This hides the shame of taking a dump. (I told you, I’m a goddamn idiot/ Why am I writing this?)
- Idea #3 Cola Scented Brown Toilet Roll
You thought idea 2 was weird, well things continue to get weirder with brown Cola Scented Brown Toilet Roll®™. (Yes that’s a trademark sign and no I haven’t actually trademarked this idea but because I am a doofus I might just do so.)
I think we can all agree that poo doesn’t smell very nice (unless you’re into that sort of thing, I ain’t judging). One way to combat the smell is by using scented toilet paper. Scented loo roll already exists but there isn’t one that has the smell of cola. Why the smell of cola? Cola smells lovely, it does to me anyway. Not only that, cola is a brown liquid meaning if we dip the loo paper into the cola and let it dry, we will not only have brown toilet paper but it will also smell of cola.
We’ll start off small but if this takes off then maybe we could partner with Coca Cola and/ or Pepsi and start a luxury range. Imagine a toilet roll that smells like Pepsi Max Cherry. I don’t know about you but I think I’m on to something here.
Whilst writing this I discovered that brown toilet paper is actually a thing. I was just joking about all this but it actually exists and you can buy it. A company called Renova Australia sells many different colours of toilet paper and brown is one of them. Someone beat me to it, goddamnit.
Whilst That Green Dude Enterprises may be late to the party on the conventional side, we could provide more comical variations of brown toilet paper. Items with a focus on humour could potentially be more profitable than standard goods. Whilst conventional brown loo roll is out of the question, Camouflage and Cola Scented Brown Toilet Paper however are not.
That Green Dude Enterprise is only just getting off the ground but it won’t be long until we become a fully-fledged corporate entity.
What did you think of this piece? It’s the first one I’ve done so any comments and feedback is much appreciated. Did it make you laugh? Is there anything I can do to improve the next Y’know What We Need? Or did this finally confirm that I am indeed an idiot? Let me know in the comments below.